Facebook the destroyer of marriages.

August 23, 2012

Facebook as the cause of infidelity is on the rise. Why you ask? Remember the whole purpose of Facebook is to get or have “Friends”. It is now possible with the click of a mouse to reconnect with long lost loves, old flames or exes.

What may start out innocently enough as chatting, becomes flirting, becomes emotional cheating, becomes infidelity. Facebook makes it so easy to develop a relationship online. This can and often does lead to the desire to move the relationship to a face to face one.

A wife begins chatting with an old flame she discovered on Facebook. At first she just wants to catch up and be friends. Then the man begins flirting and telling her he still has feelings for her. She is flattered and pleased by the attention. It makes her feel good. She is stimulated and excited. She finds the feeling addictive and they take the chatting offline. Eventually they agree to meet. What began as an online reconnect has now blossomed into a full-fledged affair.

The reasons for this include boredom, excitement, titillation, attempting to recapture lost love. Whatever the reason Facebook facilitates more and more infidelity and divorces.

“Eighty-one percent of divorce lawyers say that the use of social media evidence in divorce cases has increased significantly in the last five years. Facebook lead the pack, followed by MySpace and Twitter.”

From “Infidelity From Facebook Cheating” by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, Marriage Counselling and Marriage Help, http://www.marriage-counselor-doctor.com/

Women are cheating as much or more than men says Michelle Langley, author of “Women’s Infidelity” (www.womensinfidelity.com). She goes on to state, “women’s relationships today follow a predictable pattern.

  • They push men for commitment
  • They get what they want
  • They lose interest in sex
  • They become attracted to someone else
  • They start cheating
  • They become angry and resentful
  • They begin telling partners that they need time apart
  • They blame their partners for their behavior….and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.”

Infidelity has always been around, but with modern technology has become easier. Facebook is now the preferred method of cheating.

The old saying, “the grass is greener on the other side” drives men and women to be constantly searching for something better. It’s harder to stay in a marriage and do the work to make it better, than it is to logon to Facebook and find something new, which may or may not be better. The easy way is a cop-out in this writer’s opinion.

I was raised to take the marriage vow, “I do promise to take you for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, til death do us part” seriously. Many spouses today stay in the marriage only  “til Facebook do us part.”


Don’t Forget Your Relationship

June 26, 2009

This is a message for those couples who put so much energy into raising their children that they forget about their own relationship.

As a divorced parent and married again parent I tell you this is dangerous and downright foolish. A happy marriage equals a happy family.

  • Remember you and your husband were here first.
  • Make your relationship a priority. Sure you love your kids, but they will be better off knowing you love each other.
  • Look after your marriage as much as you look after your kids.
  • Communicate, communicate. Tell each other everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Don’t let it fester.
  • Kids feed off mom and dad’s love for each other. It’s healthy for them to see you kissing and hugging. It gives them a sense of security.
  • Make time for each other. Sure this is hard at times, but so important.
  • Make love not war. Sex is good for your relationship. It brings you closer and hey it’s that special thing only you have.

Always remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Make an effort to keep the passion you had for your partner alive, sure it won’t be like the beginning, but be as passionate as you can about the relationship you have with each other. The rest will be easy.


A Father on Father’s Day

June 19, 2009

I loved my Dad and I miss him. It’s been five years since he passed. This Sunday the loss of him will pull at me again. The last few years whenever I saw him I always hugged him and told him I loved him. Growing up I didn’t do those things a lot. I’m glad I did later on. 

Father’s aren’t perfect. God knows we make lots of mistakes, but it’s so important for children to have a strong father-figure in their lives. 

No matter what’s transpired during the day I always tell my kids I love them when I arrive home from work and at bedtime. 

As a father I thrive on the love I receive in return. To love and be truly loved back is what life is all about. 

Daughters especially seem to need the love of fathers. I have four daughters, two are grown up now, and two are growing up. The greatest mistake of my life was letting one of them down in a big way when she needed me. It’s something I’ll regret the rest of my life. Dads make mistakes. With the support of my loving wife I’ve worked hard at learning from my mistakes and improving as a person and a father. 

Sons need their fathers, but differently than girls. Fathers must work hard to be good role models for sons. Sometimes I don’t realize how much my son loves me until I see how he is trying hard to emulate me. At those times the impact I’m making on him as a father becomes very clear. 

Being a father is a huge responsibility. I’m working hard to be a good one. I love you kids.


Time is on My Side

June 5, 2009
Symbol of Time - Clock

Symbol of Time - Clock

Time slips by far too quickly it seems. Why is it as you age it passes faster than when you were young? Likely just an illusion, but still my perception.

Last evening I made a resolution. I just have to find more time for writing. Family time is so important, and of course full time employment keeps the wolves from the door. Somewhere between the two I intend to spend an hour or two writing and querying magazines about the finished articles I have.

Finding time to read is also a problem. As a writer one must read. I read on the train to and from work. Before bed I read. Television is a time waster, but for a writer of nonfiction, the news and the History Channel are useful.

Jim Croce wrote a song called “Time in a Bottle” about wishing to be able to put it in a bottle and keep it. Nice thought, but time is non-renewable. Once it’s gone its gone. The secret is to manage it to your advantage. Easier said than done.


The Love of My Life

February 9, 2009

2009_weddingrings

February 12, 1999 I met Cindy. My first marriage ended in July 1986, so I had been single-again for almost 14 years.  Cindy and I were married July 10, 2000 in the Cook Islands.

I had no intention of marrying again, and certainly had no desire to have more children. Cindy changed all that. She lit up my life.

She’s my friend, my lover, and the mother of our children. Cindy has stood by me in tough times. She has made me a better person.

We have a wonderful relationship. I look at the wedding band on my hand often. It symbolizes the love and respect we have for each other.  I pray for many more years to spend with her.


New Life Stage: Being a Grandpa

December 5, 2008
My New Grandson Lucas

My New Grandson Lucas

I entered a new phase of my life recently. Lucas Kendall Prior came in the world October 19, 2008. He weighed in at 7 lb 13 oz., and was 21 1/2 inches long. Birthplace was Calgary, Alberta. My daughter Tricia and her husband Stephen Prior are the proud parents.

It’s a bit of a strange feeling, but I’m proud to be his grandfather. Once I held him for the first time, I immediately fell in love with him.

This picture of him was taken a couple of weeks ago. He is a real charmer.


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