Facebook the destroyer of marriages.

August 23, 2012

Facebook as the cause of infidelity is on the rise. Why you ask? Remember the whole purpose of Facebook is to get or have “Friends”. It is now possible with the click of a mouse to reconnect with long lost loves, old flames or exes.

What may start out innocently enough as chatting, becomes flirting, becomes emotional cheating, becomes infidelity. Facebook makes it so easy to develop a relationship online. This can and often does lead to the desire to move the relationship to a face to face one.

A wife begins chatting with an old flame she discovered on Facebook. At first she just wants to catch up and be friends. Then the man begins flirting and telling her he still has feelings for her. She is flattered and pleased by the attention. It makes her feel good. She is stimulated and excited. She finds the feeling addictive and they take the chatting offline. Eventually they agree to meet. What began as an online reconnect has now blossomed into a full-fledged affair.

The reasons for this include boredom, excitement, titillation, attempting to recapture lost love. Whatever the reason Facebook facilitates more and more infidelity and divorces.

“Eighty-one percent of divorce lawyers say that the use of social media evidence in divorce cases has increased significantly in the last five years. Facebook lead the pack, followed by MySpace and Twitter.”

From “Infidelity From Facebook Cheating” by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, Marriage Counselling and Marriage Help, http://www.marriage-counselor-doctor.com/

Women are cheating as much or more than men says Michelle Langley, author of “Women’s Infidelity” (www.womensinfidelity.com). She goes on to state, “women’s relationships today follow a predictable pattern.

  • They push men for commitment
  • They get what they want
  • They lose interest in sex
  • They become attracted to someone else
  • They start cheating
  • They become angry and resentful
  • They begin telling partners that they need time apart
  • They blame their partners for their behavior….and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.”

Infidelity has always been around, but with modern technology has become easier. Facebook is now the preferred method of cheating.

The old saying, “the grass is greener on the other side” drives men and women to be constantly searching for something better. It’s harder to stay in a marriage and do the work to make it better, than it is to logon to Facebook and find something new, which may or may not be better. The easy way is a cop-out in this writer’s opinion.

I was raised to take the marriage vow, “I do promise to take you for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, til death do us part” seriously. Many spouses today stay in the marriage only  “til Facebook do us part.”

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A Few of My Favorite Things

May 8, 2008

Turning 59 tomorrow I thought I would wax philosphical on some of my favorite things. By the way I have the day off work on my birthday this year. Not only that but I will be spending time with some of the kids. The boy is in school, but I will be getting up and getting him ready. This involves feeding him and ensuring he goes out the door with clothes on. Believe me this is not as easy as it sounds. Then the twins who have the day off from preschool will likely be getting ready for action just after that. At least I won’t have to rush them out anywhere. They can veg out on the couch watching their cartoon heros while I relax with my coffee. My better half is working but comes home at noon.

She is having a get-together for me in the evening and I have been designated to prepare the food. Guess that’s a compliment. We are having a big feed of ribs and wings. All the family are coming to rub it in and remind me of the extra year. 

So anyway here are the things I like in life in various categories starting with my very favorite:

  • Best Moments – special time with my wife, cuddle time with the kids
  • Color – Red
  • Sports Teams – NFL – Oakland Raiders, NHL – Montreal Canadiens
  • Sports to Play – Golf
  • Authors – Vince Flynn, John Grisham, Elmore Leonard, Robert Dallek
  • Genre to Read – Thrillers, Nonfiction, especially American history
  • Hobbies – writing, philately (stamps, postal history), reading, computers, crosswords
  • Movies – John Wayne westerns, action thrillers, Alien series (Alien, Aliens, etc)
  • TV Shows – The Office, Scrubs, PBS documentaries

 


Polygamy: Top Tens Reasons I Want Nothing To Do With It

April 17, 2008

Having more than one wife I’m sure would have some advantages. Now I can just hear the male readers thinking of the obvious, but when I really think about it – No Way! I love having one and have no desire for more. Here are my top ten reasons to stay in a monogamous marriage (tongue-in-cheek of course!),

1. Being nagged in mono is bad enough.

2. Nagging in stereo is an unthinkable concept.

3. One set of in-laws is adequate.

4. With the number of shoes in the closet from one wife — well you get the idea.

5. PMS once a month is sufficiently stressful.

6. Keeping one woman happy is ample challenge for me.

7. I buy too much bathroom tissue already.

8. More wives would mean more children – enough already!

9. One anniversary to remember is plenty.

10. I would never get to watch sports.


Never Say Never

April 7, 2008

I learned an invaluable lesson over the years – never say never.

When my first marriage failed and I became single again I said that I would never marry again, ever! This went on for my 14 years of single-again living. I also said that I would never have children again.

Well here I am married again with children again. What happened you’ll say? Well I learned that talking and living by the”never say never” rule severely limits life’s possibilities. Life needs to be lived one day at a time. Most of all happiness needs to me taken wherever it can be found. Take advantage of life’s opportunities as they arise.

When I met the love-of-my life, who happened to be twenty years younger than me, I could easily have said no way, but I would have lost my soulmate and the happiness that goes along with that. I also could have listened to others who judge and told me she is too young for you. It is OK to listen to others, but the only person who can decide what is best for you is you. I am so glad I made my own decision based on what was best for my wife and I.

My younger wife wanted children, I really didn’t think I needed anymore. Again I could have run and lost her. Instead I chose to make her happiness and mine the priority. Many others thought I was crazy. I listened, but in the end made the decision to have children with her. This has resulted in more happiness than I thought possible. If I had decided based on the opinions of others I would be very lonely and unfulfilled in my life today.

The moral to this story is never say never! Always consider all the possibilities and never rule any of them out. Make the final decision based on what will make you and those you care about deeply truly happy. I’m sure glad I did.


Do-It-Again Dad – Stupid Things People Say

March 12, 2008

I am soon to be 59 years young. My first marriage failed, but not until I had two wonderful daughters. Then I was single-again for 14 years. During this time I had a blast, but there was always something missing. I had a hole in my heart.

Then I met the love of my life, my true soulmate. It didn’t matter to either of us that she was 20 years younger than me. She had been married before and also needed to find her soulmate.

She had always wanted children and although I didn’t feel that need, I loved her deeply and her happiness was the most important thing to me. We now have a six-year old son, and four-year old twin daughters. I can’t imagine my life without these new little ones. Unfortunately, many well-intentioned people like to toss out offhanded remarks. Now I’m sure these are not intended to be cruel, but they do grate on us. Here are some things that others, who have absolutely no concept of my life situation, like to say,

Comment: You just did this to stay young?
Answer: NO I did not, and what is it to you anyway.

Comment: Oh yeah you robbed the cradle with your young wife.
Answer: No I didn’t go looking for a younger woman. The point is we got married because in this life you only get so many chances at love and when you find happiness you grab it. By the way don’t ever let my wife hear you say this.

Comment: Sure glad it’s you and not me with three young kids at your age.
Answer: You know you’re right – I’m glad its me and not you too.
(My wife and I consider this to be the stupidest comment we get.)

Comment: How do you manage at your age? It will lead you to an early grave.
Answer: So what, I have more love in my life now that I’ve ever had before.

Cindy, my wife, is beautiful in every way and my true partner in this life. My children from my previous marriage and the little ones I have now bring me joy and love. The best legacy a person can leave behind is his or her children.

Cindy if you are reading this, I love you with all my heart and all my soul. Forever and always.


Mike Huckabee: Rising Star

December 19, 2007

mike_huckabee.jpgA candidate seems to be emerging as a dark horse contender in the 2008 American Presidential Race. He is Mike Huckabee a former governor of Arkansas. He was elected to that job in 1996 and served until January 2007. Mike is running as a Republican candidate.

Mike was born in 1955 in Hope, Arkansas and is now 52 years of age. He has been married to Janet for over 35 years. They are Christians of the Baptist faith. The Huckabee’s have three grown children. Mike and Janet live in North Little Rock, Arkansas.

He is university educated and the author of several books. In 2003 he was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Subsequently he proceeded to lose 110 pounds over the next year. One of his books, “Quit Digging Your Grave With a Knife and Fork” relates to his battle with the disease. It was published in 2005.

Mike is recognized as a national leader. He was honored in 2005 by Time Magazine as one of the five best governors in America. Governing Magazine named him on of its “Public Officials of the Year” for 2005. Also in 2005 he received the American Association of Retired Person’s “Impact Award”. The National Association of Music Merchants presented him with the “Music for Life Award” in 2007 for his commitment to music education.

On a personal level he is an avid runner having completed four marathons including the New York Marathon. Huckabee enjoys playing bass guitar in his rock band, Capitol Offense. They have opened for major acts such as Willie Nelson and the Charlie Daniels Band.

Here is what Mike has to say about some key personal issues, as well as issues facing the United States.

Faith:
“My faith is my life – it defines me. My faith doesn’t influence my decisions, it drives them. For example, when it comes to the environment, I believe in being a good steward of the earth. I don’t separate my faith from my personal and professional lives.”

Energy:
“The first thing I will do as President is send Congress my comprehensive plan for energy independence. We will achieve energy independence by the end of my second term.”
 
“Achieving energy independence is vital to achieving success both in the war on terror and in globalization. Energy independence will help guarantee both our safety and our prosperity. We have to explore, we have to conserve, and we have to pursue all avenues of alternative energy: nuclear, wind, solar, hydrogen, clean coal, biodiesel, and biomass.”

Education:
“I believe that every child should have the opportunity for a quality education that teaches the fundamental skills needed to compete in a global economy. As I traveled the country and the world over the last decade bringing jobs to Arkansas, the business leaders I met weren’t worried about creating jobs, they were worried about finding skilled and professional workers to fill those jobs.”

War on Terror:
“I believe that we are currently engaged in a world war. Radical Islamic fascists have declared war on our country and our way of life. They have sworn to annihilate each of us who believe in a free society, all in the name of a perversion of religion and an impersonal god. We go to great extremes to save lives, they go to great extremes to take them. This war is not a conventional war, and these terrorists are not a conventional enemy. I will fight the war on terror with the intensity and single-mindedness that it deserves.”

Marriage:
“I support and have always supported passage of a federal constitutional amendment that defines marriage as a union between one man and one woman. As President, I will fight for passage of this amendment. My personal belief is that marriage is between one man and one woman, for life.”

“My wife Janet and I celebrated our thirty-third wedding anniversary this past May. For us, every anniversary is a miracle. When we were both twenty and married just over a year, when I was in my last semester of college, Janet was diagnosed with cancer of the spine. I can’t tell you what a stunning blow it was – two kids just starting out, you don’t think something like that can happen when you’re so young. Yet there we were, staring death in the face. At first, they told us that even if she lived, she might be paralyzed from the waist down, so I’d be a young man with an invalid wife. After I learned she wouldn’t be paralyzed, I was told that because of the radiation she had to receive following surgery, we’d probably never have children. I wanted children very much, I couldn’t imagine never being a father. During that time, a lot of things went through my mind. But one thing never did – the thought of leaving her. If Janet were in a wheelchair today, if we’d never had children, I can tell you this – she would still be my wife.”

More information on Mr. Huckabee and his stand on issues can be found on his official website:
www.mikehuckabee.com

Finally I want to state for the record that I am impartial in this election. You see I am Canadian and obviously can’t vote, but as a citizen of Canada, ally, friend, and next-door neighbor of America, I am keenly interested in who will be the next President of the United States.


Replay: One Do-It-Again Dad’s Story

November 27, 2007

fatherhood.jpgAt age fifty, divorced and single-again for 14 years I met the love of my life. She was twenty years younger than me and had also been married before. She had not had children as yet. She told me she wanted children, but I really didn’t feel I needed more children. I made the decision  not to let her get away and if happiness between us involved children, then I would take the plunge.

Today I am 58 and we have been happily married for over seven years now. We have three wonderful children, a 6 year old son and twin 3 year old daughters. I have two children by my previous marriage who I love dearly, but I can’t imagine life without my new family.

The most common question I get asked as an older father is: “Are you more patient now than when you had children the first time?” The answer is definitely yes. Sure there are still times when they try your patience, but overall I find that I seem to be able to handle it better providing I make time for myself and that my wife and I ensure we have lots of one-on-one time with each other. I don’t care how much you love your kids, husband and wife have to keep their marriage strong using the friendship and intimacy that attracted you to each other in the first place. Keep the passion. After all if our relationship is strong, then the family will be strong.

One comment that I get really annoys me. So many people when they hear about my personal situation immediately say, “better you than me!”  Well I say to them, “better me than you too”. My life is filled with love. What is more important than that? Nothing!

Two of the most important lessons I have learned and am thankful for are:

1. Support from extended family, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews is a key element to making my family and our marriage work.

The first time I was married and had children we had no family support at all. We lived where all our relatives were far away and friends are just not the same. The ability to leave the kids with family and get away for a date night is to me just fantastic. When I take my wife out for the evening it always reminds me what a sexy and interesting woman I married and how lucky I am. Sometimes with all the parenting this gets obscured because you get so wrapped up in the kids and their problems. God knows I love the kids, but I love being with my wife for those special times together. My children are better off for those times.

2. If you have problems get help. I have always been the type of person who hates admitting problems and sure wouldn’t seek professional help. Well, I had an anger problem and am by nature a high strung person. With the support of my wife I sought professional counselling. It was the best thing I ever did. That along with medication for my hyperactivity (diagnosed adult ADHD) have made my parenting and marriage function to its best.

The challenge for me is to look after myself and try to give my wife and children as many more years as possible. Fortunately the odds are pretty good. I have good genes age-wise, and don’t smoke or drink. Eating right and exercising can be tough, but I try.

Life is good. I intend to be around for a very long time yet to enjoy it. The lesson is that you take happiness wherever and whenever you find it.

Thanks to my loving wife for making me a better person.


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