Facebook the destroyer of marriages.

Facebook as the cause of infidelity is on the rise. Why you ask? Remember the whole purpose of Facebook is to get or have “Friends”. It is now possible with the click of a mouse to reconnect with long lost loves, old flames or exes.

What may start out innocently enough as chatting, becomes flirting, becomes emotional cheating, becomes infidelity. Facebook makes it so easy to develop a relationship online. This can and often does lead to the desire to move the relationship to a face to face one.

A wife begins chatting with an old flame she discovered on Facebook. At first she just wants to catch up and be friends. Then the man begins flirting and telling her he still has feelings for her. She is flattered and pleased by the attention. It makes her feel good. She is stimulated and excited. She finds the feeling addictive and they take the chatting offline. Eventually they agree to meet. What began as an online reconnect has now blossomed into a full-fledged affair.

The reasons for this include boredom, excitement, titillation, attempting to recapture lost love. Whatever the reason Facebook facilitates more and more infidelity and divorces.

“Eighty-one percent of divorce lawyers say that the use of social media evidence in divorce cases has increased significantly in the last five years. Facebook lead the pack, followed by MySpace and Twitter.”

From “Infidelity From Facebook Cheating” by Dr. Frank Gunzburg, Marriage Counselling and Marriage Help, http://www.marriage-counselor-doctor.com/

Women are cheating as much or more than men says Michelle Langley, author of “Women’s Infidelity” (www.womensinfidelity.com). She goes on to state, “women’s relationships today follow a predictable pattern.

• They push men for commitment
• They get what they want
• They lose interest in sex
• They become attracted to someone else
• They start cheating
• They become angry and resentful
• They begin telling partners that they need time apart
• They blame their partners for their behavior….and eventually, after making themselves and everyone around them miserable for an indefinite, but usually long period of time, they end their relationships or marriages.”

Infidelity has always been around, but with modern technology has become easier. Facebook is now the preferred method of cheating.

The old saying, “the grass is greener on the other side” drives men and women to be constantly searching for something better. It’s harder to stay in a marriage and do the work to make it better, than it is to logon to Facebook and find something new, which may or may not be better. The easy way is a cop-out in this writer’s opinion.

I was raised to take the marriage vow, “I do promise to take you for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, til death do us part” seriously. Many spouses today stay in the marriage only  “til Facebook do us part.”

Stand By Me: Classic coming of age tale.

Stand By Me, deluxe version

I rewatched Stand By Me the classic coming of age film by director Rob Reiner, based on a Stephen King novella ” The Body”. I was so moved once again by this film I had to write about it.

The story concerns four friends living in a small town of about 1200 people. One hot summer a teenage boy, Roy Brower disappears. It seems the rumour is he was struck by a train and is out by the Royal River. The four boys decide to set out to find the body and become famous or at least heroes in the process.

The story this film is based on, The Body, can be found in a collection of Stephen King stories called Different Seasons published in 1982. The collection also includes a story title Shawshank Redemption which later became an award winning film The Shawshank Redemption.

Their world is one of relative innocence, but their journey to find the body, their encounter with Ace Merrill (Kiefer Sutherland), the local bad boy and his gang, and finding Brower’s dead body put an end to that innocence. In the end the boys find out about reality and how it isn’t glamorous.

The line that best sums up the entire movie is typed on the computer screen by The Writer (Richard Dreyfuss) at the end of the movie,

“I never had friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus does anyone?”

The four friends are played by Wil Wheaton (Gordie Lachance), River Phoenix (Chris Chambers), Corey Feldman (Teddy Duchamp), and Jerry O’Connell (Vern Tessio). Gordie Lachance is the writer. The story begins with the death of his friend Chris Chambers on the headline of a newspaper. He then takes us back to tell the story of their adventure that one summer so many years ago.

This movie makes you laugh one moment and cry the next. Most of all it makes you think back to your own childhood and the friends you had and the adventures they shared with you.

A warning this movie does contain bad language including the F-word, but it is too good not to let your young son or daughter watch it with you. Made in 1986 it stands the test of time very well. Definitely a movie to rent, or even better to own.